My wife recently asked me to deal with this issue of church hurt. It is everywhere; it seems that nobody who has been in church for a considerable amount of time can escape this hurt. Doug Berrenguer, the man who led me to Christ, tried to protect me from this hurt… he took the time to speak to me about it because he knew it was coming, and it did. From the Pentecostals to the charismatics, to the Baptists, and everything in between, this pain came and left some deep scars along the way. The pain came from white folks, black folks, and Latino folks… church hurt is one of those few things in life that does not discriminate. I discovered very early that church pain was different; it hurt more, and it affected my life more profoundly… but why is that?
We as humans are spirit, soul, and body (I Thessalonians 5:23). Each part of us has unique functions. 1) Our flesh is the enemy from within, it is the part of us that will never cooperate with God. The Bible tells in Galatians 5:17,
For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. (NIV)
The flesh has no hope; all we can do while it lasts is discipline; in other words, force the flesh to do God’s will. The Apostle Paul tells us, “So I do not run like one who runs aimlessly or box like one beating the air. 27 Instead, I discipline my body and bring it under strict control, so that after preaching to others, I myself will not be disqualified.” I Corinthians 9:26-27 (CSB) 2) Our Soul, this is a very complex word. It is the Greek word, psuchḗ; meaning,
To breathe, blow. Soul, that immaterial part of man held in common with animals. One’s understanding of this word’s relationship to related terms is contingent upon his position regarding biblical anthropology. Dichotomists view man as consisting of two parts (or substances), material and immaterial, with spirit and soul denoting the immaterial and bearing only a functional and not a metaphysical difference. Trichotomists also view man as consisting of two parts (or substances), but with spirit and soul representing in some contexts a real subdivision of the immaterial… Specifically, the soul as the sentient principle, the seat of the senses, desires, affections, appetites, passions, the lower aspect of one’s nature….Sometimes the soul means the mind, feelings (Matt. 11:29; Luke 2:35; John 10:24; Acts 14:2, 22; 15:24; Heb. 12:3; 1 Pet. 1:22; 2 Pet. 2:8, 14; Sept.: Ex. 23:9; 1 Sam. 1:15; Is. 44:19). “With all one’s soul” (a.t.) means with his entire affection (Matt. 22:37; Mark 12:30, 33; Luke 10:27; Sept.: Deut. 26:16; 30:2, 6, 10; 2 Chr. 15:15; 31:21)… That which strictly belongs to the person himself, often ascribed to the soul as the seat of the desires, affections, and appetites (Matt. 12:18; 26:38; Mark 14:34; Luke 1:46; 12:19; John 12:27; Heb. 10:38; 3 John 1:2; Rev. 18:14; Sept.: Gen. 27:4, 19; Is. 1:14; 33:18).[1]
In the soul, we have our mindset, our emotions, and our will or decision-making process. It is the part of us that is being transformed or restored. In Psalm 23:3 David tells us, “ He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. The Word soul here is the Hebrew word, “nep̱eš, meaning “…breath, the inner being with its thoughts and emotions.”[2]
So now, church hurt will affect our souls and bodies… just like any emotional challenge affects the body. What makes church hurt even deeper is that it is a direct hit against our spirit. In John 4:23-24, Jesus tells the Samaritan woman, “But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. 24 God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.” (ESV) The word spirit here is the word pneúma; meaning,
To breathe. Of the vital breath (Rev. 11:11, “breath of life” [a.t.]; Sept.: Gen. 6:17; 7:15, 22 [cf. Ps. 33:6])… Soul and spirit are very closely related because they are both immaterial and they both contrast with body (sṓma [4983]) and flesh (sarx [4561])…. Scripture, however, introduces a distinction between the two immaterial aspects of man’s soul and spirit. That they cannot mean the same thing is evident from their mention together in 1 Thess. 5:23, spirit, soul, body. The same distinction is brought out in Heb. 4:12. The spirit is man’s immaterial nature, which enables him to communicate with God, who is also spirit. As the seat of the affections, emotions, and passions of various kinds as humility (Matt. 5:3, “poor in spirit,” meaning those who recognize their spiritual helplessness; see ptōchós [4434], poor or helpless, and Sept.: Ps. 34:18); enjoyment, quiet (1 Cor. 16:18; 2 Cor. 2:13; 7:13); joy (Luke 10:21). Of ardor, fervor (Acts 18:25; Rom. 12:11). In Luke 1:17, in the powerful spirit of Elijah (see 1:12). Of perturbation from grief, indignation (John 11:33; 13:21; Acts 17:16; Sept.: Is. 65:14). As referring to the disposition, feeling, temper of mind (Luke 9:55; Rom. 8:15, a slavish spirit, as distinct from the spirit of adoption; 11:8; 1 Cor. 4:21; Gal. 6:1, a mild, gentle spirit).[3]
As we can see, there are deep emotions also involved with our spirit; however, I want to point out that out of the spirit flows the maximum expression of love and admiration a human being can express… worship. Jesus told the Samaritan woman that worship flows out of the spirit. Church is known for being a place where people worship God together… church hurt interrupts that flow devastatingly.
Another important characteristic of worship is that it is the part of us that is willing to follow God. Jesus told his disciples in Matthew 26:40-42, “Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. 41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (NIV) Church hurt directly affects our willingness to follow God. Proverbs 16:32 also gives us another reason why church hurt is so devastating, “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” (ESV) Anger flows out of our spirit; therefore, our spirit will be filled with rage and not worship.
In conclusion, because the church is near our worship, it will directly affect our relationship with God. It is because of the humanity of others and the pain suffered because of the actions of man that we take our disappointment against God himself. So now, our willingness to follow Him is not there, our worship is not there as our spirit is now filled with anger and, in many cases, rage. This is the reason why counseling is so vital; it is vital to deal with church hurt, for your good and the good of the Body of Christ.
If you have been hurt in church, there is a big possibility that you are not walking in your destiny, that you are not using your gifts for the glory of God and the service of His people, and, if for whatever reason, you are involved in ministry, your bitterness is causing more damage than good. Deal with your pain; let’s resolve that issue before it’s too late.
[1] Spiros Zodhiates, The Complete Word Study Dictionary: New Testament (Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 2000).
[2] Warren Baker and Eugene E. Carpenter, The Complete Word Study Dictionary: Old Testament(Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 2003), 746.
[3] Spiros Zodhiates, The Complete Word Study Dictionary: New Testament (Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 2000).
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