“Why is it So Bad?”
Sex is good, and sex feels good, especially for us men. I say this because, for the most part, we don’t have a problem achieving our climax. Perhaps it is a little more challenging for the women, but when they do, their climax lasts a little longer than ours. Women also go through menopause, and their desire for sex decreases greatly.
Some interesting statistics show that “81.6% of women don’t orgasm from intercourse alone (without additional stimulation). Only 18.4% of women report that intercourse alone is sufficient to orgasm. 95% of heterosexual men usually or always orgasm during partnered sexual activity compared to just 65% of heterosexual women…59% of women have faked an orgasm.”[1] Ouch!!!!
But my fellow men, don’t be discouraged; under normal circumstances, when sex is good, it is one of the most enjoyable experiences in the world. God gave us this beautiful gift to enjoy in the sanctity of marriage. There is nothing nasty, unholy, or evil about sex if it takes place in marriage. Marriage between a man and a woman is the only righteous way to satisfy this need; not pornography and masturbation, not with a same-sex partner, or even oppositive sex if it is outside of the marriage. All sex outside of marriage is called fornication. First Corinthians 6:18 tells us,
“Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.” (KJV)
Some versions use “sexual immorality”. Sex is immoral when it takes place outside of the marriage. Even as the Bible tells us to flee from fornication, for generations now, fornication has been normalized and showcased as a beautiful thing. However, statistics are showing something different.
Walt Larimore, M.D. has been called “one of America’s best known family physicians.” He is a nationally-known and nationally sought after speaker and health expert. He found that About 88 percent of Americans say they are happy or reasonably content with their married sex. And three-quarters report that their sex lives are reasonably fulfilling. That’s according to a national poll of 1,001 married Americans commissioned by Parade magazine. In researching for his book His Brain, Her Brain: How divinely designed differences can strengthen your marriage, Dr. Larimore found stunning research that shows:
- Sex is better in marriage
- Sex is better among religious or spiritual couples
- Sex is not better if you cohabit.[2]
But these days, I ask myself this question: why is fornication so bad? Why is it that the Bible tells us to flee from it? Well, First Corinthians 6:18 tells us, that “…Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.” (KJV) So why is this so bad?
- You become one with the worse of another human being; one in the flesh.
In Mark 10:8, Jesus tells us, referring to marriage, “and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.” (ESV) Becoming one flesh in the context of marriage sounds romantic, but it explains why marriage is so difficult to the point that Paul, if it is not because of fornication, preferred that folks remain unmarried. In First Corinthians 7:2 Paul tells us, “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”
It is important to point out that becoming one is not uniquely a marriage thing; we become one with everybody we have sex with. First Corinthians 6:16 tells us, “Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” (ESV) In First Corinthians 7:28, Paul tells us, “…Yet those who marry will have worldly trouble If in the context of marriage, we are destined to have “worldly troubles”, how much more outside of the marriage? This unity of the flesh involves the fruit of the flesh, and this is the reason why those troubles are inevitable. Galatians 5:19-21tells us,
Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 21 envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. (ESV)
These are the things the flesh is filled with. The flesh is never willing to follow God (Galatians 5:17). So we become united with the part of us that is contrary to God and the part of us that, by nature, is destined not to inherit the Kingdom of God. It is the part of us that is indeed evil and the part of us that has no hope. Jesus told us that our spirit is willing, but that the flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41) and it will be forever weak until it is destroyed. When you become one with somebody, some or all the fruits of flesh will manifest,
Sexual Immorality
Impurity: This is the Greek word akatharsía; meaning, “Moral uncleanness, vulgarity, self-gratification in general.”[3]
Sensuality: This is the Greek word asélgeia; meaning “Lasciviousness (Carnality), debauchery (Depravity), sexual excess, absence of restraint, lustfulness or perversion.”[4]
Idolatry: (Anything we place above God)
Sorcery: This is the Greek word pharmakeía; meaning “Use as a poisonous one. Pharmakeía means the occult, sorcery, witchcraft, illicit pharmaceuticals, trance, magical incantation with drugs.”[5]
Enmity: (Hatred)
Strife: (Contentions, fighting, verbal fighting)
Jealousy:
Fits of anger
Rivalries: (Focus on self-interest) Dissensions: (Division, discord, separation, etc.) Divisions: This is the Greek word haíresis; meaning “To choose, or select heresy, a form of religious worship, discipline, or opinion.”[6] Because the flesh is contrary to God it will always false doctrines; in this case heresies; totally contrary to God’s righteousness.” Envy: Drunkenness: (Alcoholism)
Orgies: This is the Greek word kṓmos; meaning “Riotous conduct; festivities in honor of several gods, especially Bacchus, the god of wine, hence feastings and drunkenness with impurity and obscenity of the grossest kind. Therefore, it always presupposes a festive company and drunken revellers.”[7]
I am sure that anybody involved in fornication and, yes… in marriage has experienced some of these bitter fruits at one point or another. Understand that when we become one with any individual we have sex with, in the context of marriage or just casual sex, we become one with the worst of each other.
If we are having sex, in the context of marriage, there is hope if we are both believers in Christ. A healthy relationship with God, a full engagement in the discipleship process, and, as the Agape love grows on each other, we can enjoy a peaceful and happy marriage. However, if we are uniquely joking according to First Corinthians 6:14 or fornicating, things get worse from here.
There are more reasons to explain why fornication is so bad, but it starts here. Uniting with the worst of each other is challenging in marriage, but with God’s help, things will get better; outside of the context of marriage, we are hopeless. Imagine the devastating consequences of folks having sex in homosexual relationships. They are also one in the flesh but with no hope of unrighteous satisfaction and no hope of making that desire right.
There are other reasons why fornication is so bad, but they all have their foundation on this first reason.
- Fornication will have a negative effect on your soul:
There has not been any other human being physically as powerful as Sampson. His story is found in Judges 13-16. He was Israel’s twelve Judge. Sampson had a clear call from God from before his birth. In Judges 13:1-5 we see the introduction of his story,
And the people of Israel again did what was evil in the sight of the Lord, so the Lord gave them into the hand of the Philistines for forty years. 2 There was a certain man of Zorah, of the tribe of the Danites, whose name was Manoah. And his wife was barren and had no children. 3 And the angel of the Lord appeared to the woman and said to her, “Behold, you are barren and have not borne children, but you shall conceive and bear a son.4 Therefore be careful and drink no wine or strong drink, and eat nothing unclean, 5 for behold, you shall conceive and bear a son. No razor shall come upon his head, for the child shall be a Nazirite to God from the womb, and he shall begin to save Israel from the hand of the Philistines.” Judges 13:1-5 (ESV)
For those that may not know, the Angel of the Lord is Jesus himself. This was to be an amazing man with an amazing call in his life. However, when we look at Sampson’s life, we can clearly see how fornication will directly affect our souls, specifically our decision-making. That accumulation of bad decisions will have a damaging effect in the vision and destiny of our lives. In Judges 16:4-6 the Bible tells us,
After this he loved a woman in the Valley of Sorek, whose name was Delilah. 5 And the lords of the Philistines came up to her and said to her, “Seduce him, and see where his great strength lies, and by what means we may overpower him, that we may bind him to humble him. And we will each give you 1,100 pieces of silver.” 6 So Delilah said to Samson, “Please tell me where your great strength lies, and how you might be bound, that one could subdue you.” (ESV)
This was the beginning of the end for Sampson. As you read the story, you will see that Delilah insisted on knowing where Sampson’s power came from. Sampson told her three lies and, three times she attempted to do what he told her was the thing that would have taken away his powers. He could have easily seen her motives; these were clear red flags. However, how many of us have been in bad relationships? We see all the red flags, but we are so consumed with lust that we keep on pressing on. Sampson was drunk with lust for this woman, and eventually, he did tell her the secret of his strength. In Judges 16:15-17 we read,
And she said to him, “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when your heart is not with me? You have mocked me these three times, and you have not told me where your great strength lies.” 16 And when she pressed him hard with her words day after day, and urged him, his soul was vexed to death. 17 And he told her all his heart, and said to her, “A razor has never come upon my head, for I have been a Nazirite to God from my mother’s womb. If my head is shaved, then my strength will leave me, and I shall become weak and be like any other man.” (ESV)
In verse sixteen, the Bible tells us that “…his soul was vexed to death”; that means that he became annoyed or angry. That was the biggest red flag; that should have been when he came to his senses and walked away from this relationship. However, his lust for this woman was stronger than his anger. Have you ever been in a relationship where there is never peace; all you have is fighting, but sex keeps you trapped in it? This is exactly where the strongest man the world has ever seen found himself. The story continues in Judges 16:18-21,
When Delilah saw that he had told her all his heart, she sent and called the lords of the Philistines, saying, “Come up again, for he has told me all his heart.” Then the lords of the Philistines came up to her and brought the money in their hands. 19 She made him sleep on her knees. And she called a man and had him shave off the seven locks of his head. Then she began to torment him, and his strength left him. 20 And she said, “The Philistines are upon you, Samson!” And he awoke from his sleep and said, “I will go out as at other times and shake myself free.” But he did not know that the Lord had left him. 21 And the Philistines seized him and gouged out his eyes and brought him down to Gaza and bound him with bronze shackles. And he ground at the mill in the prison.” (ESV)
Notice the first thing the Philistines did after they seized him, they gouged his eyes. Beloved, fornication is the easiest way for a person to lose his/her vision for their lives. This is significant because the Bible tells us that people perish for the lack of vision (Proverbs 29:18) In other words, when we engage in fornication, we lose our way; we go into a very dark and humiliating place. Sampson did fulfil his destiny, but he died together with his enemies,
Then the lords of the Philistines gathered them together for to offer a great sacrifice unto Dagon their god, and to rejoice: for they said, Our god hath delivered Samson our enemy into our hand. 24 And when the people saw him, they praised their god: for they said, Our god hath delivered into our hands our enemy, and the destroyer of our country, which slew many of us. 25 And it came to pass, when their hearts were merry, that they said, Call for Samson, that he may make us sport. And they called for Samson out of the prison house; and he made them sport: and they set him between the pillars. 26 And Samson said unto the lad that held him by the hand, Suffer me that I may feel the pillars whereupon the house standeth, that I may lean upon them. 27 Now the house was full of men and women; and all the lords of the Philistines were there; and there were upon the roof about three thousand men and women, that beheld while Samson made sport. 28 And Samson called unto the Lord, and said, O Lord God, remember me, I pray thee, and strengthen me, I pray thee, only this once, O God, that I may be at once avenged of the Philistines for my two eyes. 29 And Samson took hold of the two middle pillars upon which the house stood, and on which it was borne up, of the one with his right hand, and of the other with his left. 30 And Samson said, Let me die with the Philistines. And he bowed himself with all his might; and the house fell upon the lords, and upon all the people that were therein. So the dead which he slew at his death were more than they which he slew in his life. Judges 16:23-30 (ESV)
We learned a few lessons from this story: Fornication will push us to make terrible decisions, and we will lose our way and vision for our lives. The devil always overplays his card, but God will always have his way despite us. There is a place where we can use our gifts to fulfill our call, and that is a good thing. However, we will always pay a costly and shameful price when neglecting our characters.
- Fornication will have a negative effect in our spirit:
And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3 He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” 4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” 5 And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. 6 But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. Mark 10:2-8 (ESV)
In this portion of Scripture, Jesus establishes very clearly that, from the beginning, in the context of marriage “…the two shall become one flesh.” Not the 3 o the 4 or the 500 hundred shall become one, but the two shall become one. We must understand that there is no Scripture that justify polygamy; however, all through Scripture we see men; even Godly men, taking liberties concerning marriage. Nobody took more liberties than Salomon.
The Bible tells us that we worship God in our spirit (John 4:24). In First Kings 11:4 we read, “For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father.” (ESV) With Salomon we learned that our spirits are greatly affected by fornication.
In the previous article we saw how fornication destroyed the physically most powerful man that ever walk this earth, Sampson. In this article, we see the wise man that ever walked this earth worshipping other gods. In the next chapter, we will see how fornication affected even a man whose heart was after God. We know that David also fornicated and, even as his spirit was not compromised, his family was. In the next article, we will see the effect of fornication on families.
- This will affect our family
So far, we have been able to see through Scripture that fornication will unite you with the worse of another human being and, that is trouble. We have seen that fornication will have a devastating effect in your soul. The first thing the Philistines did when they seized Sampson was to gouge out his eyes; fornication will damage the vision for your life. The damage does not stop there, fornication will also affect your spirit; we see Salomon worshipping other gods; worship flows out of our spirit.
Think about this for a minute: the most physically powerful man in the history of humanity, Sampson; the wisest man that ever walked this earth, Salomon; and a man like David with a heart after God’s own heart (I Samuel 13:14), could not resist the sin of fornication. That should be a humbling revelation for all of us; fornication is nothing to play with. David, Salomon’s Dad, paid a great price; a price that affected his family directly. In 2 Samuel, we see a very sad and tragic story,
Now Absalom, David’s son, had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar. And after a time Amnon, David’s son, loved her. 2 And Amnon was so tormented that he made himself ill because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible to Amnon to do anything to her. 3 But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother. And Jonadab was a very crafty man. 4 And he said to him, “O son of the king, why are you so haggard morning after morning? Will you not tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”5 Jonadab said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Let my sister Tamar come and give me bread to eat, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.’” 6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. And when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, “Please let my sister Tamar come and make a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.” 7 Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, “Go to your brother Amnon’s house and prepare food for him.” 8 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house, where he was lying down. And she took dough and kneaded it and made cakes in his sight and baked the cakes. 9 And she took the pan and emptied it out before him, but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, “Send out everyone from me.” So everyone went out from him. 10 Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the chamber, that I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the cakes she had made and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother. 11 But when she brought them near him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” 12 She answered him, “No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this outrageous thing. 13 As for me, where could I carry my shame? And as for you, you would be as one of the outrageous fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.” 14 But he would not listen to her, and being stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her. 15 Then Amnon hated her with very great hatred, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Get up! Go!” 16 But she said to him, “No, my brother, for this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you did to me. ”But he would not listen to her. 17 He called the young man who served him and said, “Put this woman out of my presence and bolt the door after her.” 18 Now she was wearing a long robe with sleeves, for thus were the virgin daughters of the king dressed. So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. 19 And Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the long robe that she wore. And she laid her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went. 2 Samuel 13:1-19 (ESV)
Not only that we see incest taking place in David’s Family; but two years later Absalom murdered his brother Amnon. After this, Absalom fled and, the story got even worse as in 2 Samuel 16:21-23 we read,
Ahithophel said to Absalom, “Go in to your father’s concubines, whom he has left to keep the house, and all Israel will hear that you have made yourself a stench to your father, and the hands of all who are with you will be strengthened.” 22 So they pitched a tent for Absalom on the roof. And Absalom went in to his father’s concubines in the sight of all Israel. 23 Now in those days the counsel that Ahithophel gave was as if one consulted the word of God; so was all the counsel of Ahithophel esteemed, both by David and by Absalom. (ESV)
Absalom had sex with all his father’s concubines publicly! This, my friends, is iniquity spreading all through the family. Even as David was forgiven, he went through a lot of suffering resulting from his own doing. Psalm 119:67 tells us “Before I was afflicted, I went astray, but now I keep your word.” (ESV) An affliction comes our way simply because we went astray… it is nobody’s fault, but ours. I know that in today’s society, personal responsibility is not received well, but the Scripture tells us that we will reap what we sow.
- This will affect a whole nation
People worry about global warming and various social issues, but there is something that affects a nation far more than global warming, and that is… fornication. In Numbers 22 to 24 we read a very interesting story,
Then the Israelites traveled to the plains of Moab and camped along the Jordan across from Jericho. 2 Now Balak son of Zippor saw all that Israel had done to the Amorites, 3 and Moab was terrified because there were so many people. Indeed, Moab was filled with dread because of the Israelites. 4 The Moabites said to the elders of Midian, “This horde is going to lick up everything around us, as an ox licks up the grass of the field.” So Balak son of Zippor, who was king of Moab at that time, 5 sent messengers to summon Balaam son of Beor, who was at Pethor, near the Euphrates River, in his native land. Balak said: “A people has come out of Egypt; they cover the face of the land and have settled next to me. 6 Now come and put a curse on these people, because they are too powerful for me. Perhaps then I will be able to defeat them and drive them out of the land. For I know that whoever you bless is blessed, and whoever you curse is cursed.” Numbers 22:1-6 (NIV)
As the story continues, Balaam could not curse Israel because God did not allow him to do so. Numbers 24:10-14 tells us,
Then Balak’s anger burned against Balaam. He struck his hands togetherand said to him, “I summoned you to curse my enemies, but you have blessed them these three times. 11 Now leave at once and go home! I said I would reward you handsomely, but the Lord has kept you from being rewarded.” 12 Balaam answered Balak, “Did I not tell the messengers you sent me,13 ‘Even if Balak gave me all the silver and gold in his palace, I could not do anything of my own accord, good or bad, to go beyond the command of the Lord—and I must say only what the Lord says’? 14 Now I am going back to my people, but come, let me warn you of what this people will do to your people in days to come.” (NIV)
It seems that for the most part the story is over, and that Prophet Balaam was a man of great integrity; but the story is far from over. Numbers 25:1-3 tells us,
While Israel was staying in Shittim, the men began to indulge in sexual immorality with Moabite women, 2 who invited them to the sacrifices to their gods. The people ate the sacrificial meal and bowed down before these gods. 3 So Israel yoked themselves to the Baal of Peor. And the Lord’s anger burned against them. (NIV)
It looks like this is a separate incident; it looks like Balaam has nothing to do with this; however, Balaam has everything to do with this. Balaam could not curse Israel; God did not allow him to do so, but in Revelation 2:14 we find the second-best thing; if you can’t curse them, encourage fornication,
Nevertheless, I have a few things against you: There are some among you who hold to the teaching of Balaam, who taught Balak to entice the Israelites to sin so that they ate food sacrificed to idols and committed sexual immorality. (NIV)
This is Jesus speaking to the church of Pergamum; as Jesus is dealing with this church he is also showing us the complete work of the prophet Balaam. This advice worked well for Balak; it caused the Lord’s anger to burn against Israel (Numbers 25:3). Fornication can and will affect a whole nation. God released a plague as punishment to the people of Israel that killed 24,000. Fornication brings forth the true death of a nation. Notice that fornication and idolatry dance together. It is a short step between fornication and allowing our spirit to fall into idolatry.
- This will affect the church
(Balaam) Number 22-25 / Revelation 2:14
If we go back to the story of Balaam (Numbers 22-25), we can see that fornication is not only bad for a nation, but fornication is also a powerful weapon in the hands of the enemy to bring down the church.
[1] https://pleasurebetter.com/orgasm-statistics/
[2] https://www.imom.com/poll-shows-sex-within-marriage-is-more-fulfilling/
[3] Spiros Zodhiates, The Complete Word Study Dictionary: New Testament (Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 2000).
[4] Spiros Zodhiates, The Complete Word Study Dictionary: New Testament (Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 2000).
[5] Spiros Zodhiates, The Complete Word Study Dictionary: New Testament (Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 2000).
[6] Spiros Zodhiates, The Complete Word Study Dictionary: New Testament (Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 2000).
[7] Spiros Zodhiates, The Complete Word Study Dictionary: New Testament (Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 2000).
Leave a Reply